Six months in…

Six months in I’m often getting ask how I’m doing. The whole mom thing, is it good?

Fiona and me six months inThe short answer is, yes. I love being Fiona’s mother. The baby thing comes pretty naturally to me (and I’ve had a lot of practice with 10 nieces and nephews!).

The long answer is, it’s complicated. The mom thing I’m loving. The work thing is great. It’s the combination that’s hard. I’m still figuring out a rhythm to being a working mom. How do I give my all at work and still have enough of me left over for this precious babe and Husband? Left over? What an awful way to word that. My family should be my first priority, Husband and babe come first. But in real life, they come at the end of a long, arduous day.

I managed to get out of the house this morning on time (because I woke up at 5:00), without spit-up on my shirt (this is a miracle), with lunch (yesterday’s because I never had time to eat yesterday), and breakfast already eaten (yay!). I felt like I was on top of it. I dropped Fiona off at her nanny’s and headed into work, where I promptly noticed something white all over my black boots, dust? No, spit-up. Lovely. I’ll clean it off as soon as I get to my office, I thought. But I didn’t. That spit-up went right back home with me at the end of the day.

You win some, you lose some.

I get it.

But it’s figuring out which wins are important and which losses are sustainable.

Eating biscuits and jam for dinner again after finally getting the baby to sleep? Absolutely a sustainable loss.

Finally sitting down and reading that book together? An important win.

Letting the horse’s water run dry because I just can’t keep up with it all? NOT OKAY.

Letting the dog hair accumulate in little (or not so little) Ginger bunnies all over the house? Definitely a sustainable loss.

Misplacing the all-important to do list of work assignments because my desk is drowning in files? Nope, not acceptable.

Not being perfect?

Not being perfect…

Not being perfect.

That’s what it all comes down to really. At home, at work, in life, with people, in creativity, in hobbies and personal pursuits, in intellectual and academic pursuits, in mothering, in wifing, in being. I’m not perfect. It’s easy for me to say, harder for me to accept that I will drop the ball. I will miss the deadline. I will forget something important. I will.

But I’m not defined (my motherhood is not defined, my career is not defined) by my imperfections.

So, yeah, it’s going well. I’m learning. I’m finding my footing. I’m fallible. It’s okay.

Fiona at six months old

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