Yearning

I cried myself to sleep the other night.

For the first time in my life I truly, honestly, gut-wrenchingly yearned for the return of Christ. And I told Him so. I begged Him to come.

I’m tired of the brokenness of our world. I’m tired of living in the brokenness, of being the brokenness. I’m ready for Him to make things right, to restore it all to the way it was intended to be.

I’m ready to be reunited with loved ones–with Michael. I’m ready.

For the first time in my life, I care more about that than about the chance to live my life, to see my own, petty dreams come true.

But I felt the hand of God gently remind me to be patient. It is for the sake of others that He waits to return. It is for the love of the lost that He waits.

That night I had no love for the lost. I cared not for their eternity. I cared only for my heart’s pain.

I know the Lord understands. Christ felt the same things that I am feeling now. He wept for his friends, He yearned to be past the pain of this world onto the glory of paradise.

And I yearn for paradise as well.

Sunset

Ironically, on Sunday, our pastor preached about this exact thing–about the second coming. When was the last time you thought about Christ’s second coming? he asked. Last night, I thought.

It is a knowing that I wasn’t familiar with before, but one that I identify with now. Everything I do, say, see–it’s all tinged with the intimate knowing that there is more, deeper, beyond. I used to marvel at the great writers and thinkers of Christianity’s history–the ones who strove and yearned and prayed for Christ’s coming. I wondered at their boldness, and I questioned their seeming lack of love for those in this world who had yet to live. I wanted that chance to live. But now I know. I know that the living we do here is but an echo of the life we were made to live. And I yearn for that life.

I desire in my uttermost being the restoration of this world, of this people. I want to be what we were supposed to be. I want the brokenness banished. I want the pain to leave this world. I want Christ here now. And I want Michael back.

But the Lord counsels me to be patient, to put the needs of the lost before the desires of my own heart. The Lord is patient that more may come to know His saving grace. And so I too must be patient.

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